I am panseksual...

but that was never a big deal for me. I'm also non-binary and use the pronouns they/them. Oh, and i'm also polyamorus.
As a kid, I always already felt like gender was weird. I couldn't really pinpoint what was off but gender didn't fit me. I was assigned female at birth, but had short hair and played with both groups of girls but mostly boys. I can remember many times where adults would refer to me as a 'he', and my parents would correct them to 'her'. This always made me feel so akward, because both forms didn't feel right. This progressed my whole life, with phases where I tried to dress more feminine to see if that would work for me, but it clearly didn't.

I have been thinking about a new name...

for a couple years. There were some options that felt like they could work but they never felt like Me. Till I found 'Dante'. I read this name, literally on a site for names while I was postponing to learn for Integrated Technology.  And it clicked instantly. I told my girlfriend and could not get this name out of my head. Slowly I began to tell more people where I felt safe to try it out and it started to grow on me. No, actually it didn't have to grow. It was correct from that moment. 

This was during COVID so I didn't see my parents regularly and could not find a moment to tell them yet. But at one point I already told a lot of friends that I wanted to use this new name, and I didnt want them to find out via another way, but I wanted to tell them personally. This name was a big step for me, and they always supported me step by step. But still it felt hard. What if they did not like the name? What if they think it is not 'non-binary enough' ? What if...... 

Sitting alone in my room, trying to focus on my project. But this took so much space in my head I could not think straight anymore.

I texted my mom...

to ask if she had any time in the weekend, but she wouldn't be home. I asked if she could come over another moment and by then she already realized I had something on my chest. She called me. My heart started to beat faster. I picked up. Was I gonna  tell her over the phone? I started crying. There was so much tension build up in my body. I told her about my new name and cried out all the tears I had left in my body. She doesn't always understand me, but she accepts and loves me the way I am. 

My coming out was not one moment, but it feels like it will keep on going forever. I like people to use my neutral pronouns (they/them), and therefore I know I have to ask and sometimes educate them. That is fully okay, but sometimes it costs so much energy and I do not always have that.