What's wro.. uh.. What's right?
Written by Michelle Massink, student psychologist at TU Delft.
In society - and especially in the academic world – we are all striving for the best results and you (are expected to) work hard, if not very hard, to become the best version of yourself. For this reason, we tend to focus very often and almost automatically on what’s wrong (or not right yet) with ourselves or our work and on what we can do to improve. A question far less asked is: “What’s right?”. This question might not seem so interesting at first but is has shown to be a very valuable instrument. And here’s why:
In order to bring out the best in yourself and those around you, you will also have to strengthen and reinforce that what is right. Increased awareness of - and attention for - successes and personal qualities are important ingredients for change, preservation and resilience. In order to become the best possible version of yourself and to achieve the best possible results, you will have to ensure a certain balance between focussing on what’s wrong and what’s right. Since we have a natural tendency to look for what’s wrong (not right yet), we will have to actively teach ourselves to ‘look the other way’ and ask: “what’s right?”.
“What’s right?” is one of the most commonly asked questions in Positive Psychology. In contrast to most branches of psychology, Positive Psychology focusses on what works instead of what doesn’t work. Its concern is to answer the question “what is right (with you)?” and therefore to make normal life more fulfilling. And to increase well-being, both your own and from the people around you. Despite the fact that Positive Psychology focusses on what’s right, doesn’t mean it denies the importance of studying how things can go wrong. However, it does argue that strength is as important as weakness.
In order to help you – and those around you – ‘look the other way’, I would like to introduce you to a simple exercise. This exercise takes only a few minutes a day and will have a noteworthy impact on your well-being, both in your personal and working life. The exercise consists of answering this one question: “What of the things you did today are you proud of?”.
By carefully listing at least one thing (and preferably three), you are acquiring the skill of looking the other way, looking towards what’s right. Not only will it change your view on life and your memory of it, it will also change your mood and it creates a so called buffer, improving your resilience to (the fear of) failing, anxiety and self-criticism. By doing this exercise at least seven days straight, you are able to notice an effect on your mood right away and your wellbeing will benefit from it for the next couple of months. Small effort, major impact.
You can easily further increase the impact of the exercise by doing it together with others, for example friends, family or colleagues. Doing this exercise together will not only affect your mood and well-being, it will also boost your relationship(s) with the one(s) who you are performing this exercise with. In Positive Psychology this is called capitalizing. Since this exercise lends itself to be very effective when carried out in duos (or even groups), I often use it at the start of workshops with students. It sets a pleasant and positive tone, adding to the working atmosphere. By letting everyone share what they are proud of, it normalizes being proud of achievements (small and big) and taking the time to appreciate and enjoy what’s right (something we easily tend to ‘forget’). On that note, don’t be reluctant to set an example by participating in the exercise with your students.
Although you might experience some resistance and perhaps some frustration when you read about this exercise or at the start of your practice, which is not uncommon, you will soon discover its perks and once you do, it will be difficult not to see what’s right.
